LIGHT THE WAY

For a long time, I thought the deepest pain in my life came from the people who abandoned me, disappointed me, hurt me, or failed to love me the way I deserved to be loved. And while those wounds were real, what I have slowly realized through getting closer to God is that the deepest wound I carried was the way I saw myself.

I wore masks that I thought were protecting me. I lived out of my ego in ways I did not fully understand at the time. I wanted acceptance from people who never truly showed up for me while pushing away the people who consistently loved me the hardest.

I isolated myself from people who genuinely cared because deep down, I think I knew the people closest to me would reflect back truths about myself that I was not ready to face yet.

And the truth is, when people genuinely love you, they do not just reflect your strengths. They reflect your wounds, your fears, your unhealthy patterns, your defense mechanisms, and the parts of yourself that still need healing.

That reflection can feel unbearable when you are carrying shame.

I do not think freedom comes from pretending we are perfect. I think freedom comes from finally being honest enough to stop running from ourselves.

Recently, I was talking with someone about what happens when mirrors face one another and how the reflection keeps going endlessly, farther and farther until you can no longer even see where it ends. And honestly, the more I thought about it, the more it felt like a reflection of life itself.

Every person we encounter becomes another point of reflection.

What we project into the world does not stop with us. It continues outward into our families, friendships, communities, and future generations.

Pain reflects.
Fear reflects.
Bitterness reflects.
Anger reflects.

But so does honesty.
So does healing.
So does accountability.
So does love.

I think that is why it is so important to live authentically and to stop hiding behind masks, resentment, gossip, or performative versions of ourselves. The energy we carry into the world eventually touches other people, whether we realize it or not.

And maybe that is why isolation can become so dangerous during seasons of pain. Not because solitude is always bad, but because when we isolate ourselves completely, we lose healthy reflection. We lose connection. We lose perspective. We begin sitting alone with distorted versions of ourselves, our worth, and our purpose.

Sometimes the people who love us most are the very people who help us see ourselves clearly again.

For a long time, I thought my purpose was tied to being accepted by other people. I thought if certain relationships worked out, if certain people finally chose me, or if I could just prove my worth enough, then maybe I would finally feel whole.

But the closer I have gotten to God, the more I have realized that no relationship in this world can heal a person who is still abandoning themselves internally.

You cannot build healthy relationships with your children, your family, your friends, or romantically if you do not love and accept yourself first.

And I do not mean loving yourself from a place of ego or superiority. I mean truly accepting all that you are. The good and the bad. The strengths and the flaws. The mistakes and the growth. The hurt parts and the healing parts.

Because the first person many of us need to forgive is ourselves.

That realization changed my life.

When you forgive yourself, you stop running from your reflection.
When you forgive yourself, accountability no longer feels like destruction.
When you forgive yourself, you stop needing validation from people incapable of loving you properly.
When you forgive yourself, you finally become honest enough to grow.

And once you become honest with yourself, you can finally begin showing up for the people you love in the right way.

Not from fear.
Not from control.
Not from desperation.
Not from performance.

But from truth.

I think one of the biggest lies in the world right now is that authenticity is weakness. But honestly, I think authentic people are some of the strongest people alive because it takes courage to remove the masks we built to survive.

It takes courage to say:

“I was hurting.”
“I hurt people while I was hurting.”
“I lost myself.”
“I pushed people away.”
“I do not want to live that way anymore.”

That is not weakness.

That is transformation.

And maybe healing is not about becoming perfect. Maybe healing is becoming aware enough to stop reflecting pain into everything around you.

The world reflects endlessly.
Families reflect endlessly.
Children reflect endlessly.
Communities reflect endlessly.

So maybe the question is not:

“What did the world reflect onto me?”

Maybe the real question is:

“What am I choosing to reflect back?”

God,

Thank You for loving me even in the seasons where I struggled to love myself. Thank You for continuing to guide me toward truth, even when truth was uncomfortable.

Help me release shame, fear, ego, and the masks I created to protect myself. Teach me how to forgive myself fully so I can love others in healthy, honest, and meaningful ways.

Help me become someone who reflects Your love into the world instead of reflecting pain. Give me wisdom to recognize where healing is still needed within me, and give me strength to continue growing with humility and grace.

Help me show up authentically for my children, my family, my friendships, and every person You place in my path.

And when I forget who I am, remind me that my worth was never dependent on the approval of this world, because my identity has always been found in You.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Maybe healing is not about becoming perfect.

Maybe it is about becoming honest enough to stop reflecting pain into everything around you.

Broken mirrors reflect too, but broken mirrors can be made whole again. The question is what we choose to reflect moving forward.

In solidarity,
Lyndsay LaBrier
The Merchant Ship Collective