LIGHT THE WAY

There comes a point in life where you have to stop asking,
“Why does this keep happening to me?”

…and start asking,
“What am I continuing to allow?”

Not everything that happens to us is our fault.
But the patterns we stay in…
the choices we repeat…
the environments we return to…

Those are ours.

Toxic cycles don’t always look loud or obvious.
Sometimes they look like:

And the truth is—
healed, grounded people don’t build lives around chaos.

That doesn’t mean they’re perfect.
It means when they make a mistake, they own it, adjust, and grow from it.

Our choices compound—whether we acknowledge them or not.

We like to believe our choices are personal.
That what we do only impacts us.

But that’s rarely true.

Your habits… your reactions… your patterns…
they ripple into every relationship you have.

When you avoid responsibility,
someone else carries the weight.

When you stay in dysfunction,
you normalize it for the people around you.

When you don’t take action on what you know you need to do,
you delay not just your growth—but your impact.

You cannot build a healthy life
while consistently making unhealthy choices.

Growth doesn’t erase consequences.

You can change.
You can heal.
You can become a completely different person.

And still… some consequences stay.

Because life isn’t a reset button.
It’s a timeline.

I’ve lived this.

I’ve had to grow up faster than I expected—
making decisions before I fully understood their weight.

I’ve stayed in environments that drained me,
ignored what I already knew,
and hoped things would change without changing myself first.

I’ve been in relationships that were unbalanced—
where I gave too much or accepted too little.

And I’ve had to face the reality that even after choosing better…
some past decisions still echo into the present.

Not as punishment.
But as reminders.

One of the hardest parts of growth is this:

When you start changing your life,
you will want the people around you to change too.

But growth is a choice.

You can’t force awareness.
You can’t force accountability.
You can’t force someone into a version of themselves they haven’t chosen.

And sometimes the most loving thing you can do…
is let people stay where they are
while you continue moving forward.

Every relationship in your life is a choice.

A friendship.
A romantic relationship.
A working relationship.

It takes two people—just two people—
choosing how they show up.

You cannot control another person’s behavior, effort, or growth.
You can only control your own.

And here’s where it gets real:

You can recognize growth in someone…
and still not be meant to be in each other’s lives anymore.

And at the same time—
recognizing change doesn’t automatically mean separation either.

It means you make a decision based on truth, not history.

Because relationships are not built on time alone.
They’re built on:

And trust is not something quick.

Trust is built over time—
through repeated actions, not words.

You can’t build trust
when you’re not showing up for the right reasons.

If you want a different life,
you have to make different choices.

Consistently.

Not when it’s easy—
but when it’s uncomfortable.

Breaking toxic cycles looks like:

And part of that is understanding what you can—and can’t—control.

It’s good to let go of what you can’t control.
But that doesn’t mean accepting everything that comes your way.

It means accepting how you show up.

Your response.
Your behavior.
Your decisions.

And how you respond isn’t just about respecting others—
it’s about respecting yourself.

Your life changes when your decisions do.

If you’re doing the right things for the right reasons,
you don’t have to constantly question yourself.

That doesn’t mean you don’t reflect.
It means your reflection leads to growth—not confusion.

Because this isn’t toxic positivity.

And social media isn’t real life.

It’s where we share highlights.
Not everything.

Because the truth is—
I don’t have it all together.

I’m still working through things.

One of the biggest areas I’ve had to work on—
and still continue to work on—is building relationships.

Because when you’ve been hurt by people you never expected—
family, long-term friends, even people closest to you—
it changes how you show up.

For me, I take my time.

I need to know myself around someone
before I expect them to truly know me.

And one of the ways I build relationships is simple:

Because trust is not instant.

And I’ve learned this too:

I’ve been hurt by people who should have never hurt me.

And that includes situations you don’t expect—
even within your own family, even in relationships that are supposed to be safe.

But how you respond to that?

That creates a ripple effect.

You can choose to become closed off…
or you can choose to become intentional.

And being intentional doesn’t mean everyone stays in your life.

It doesn’t mean you go back to what hurt you.

But it also doesn’t mean you carry anger or wish anything bad.

It means you move forward with clarity.

You focus on how you show up.

Sometimes we look for real-world examples to make sense of this.

And if I’m being honest—
I’ve thought about this in terms of public figures too.

There are artists whose work I still appreciate,
people who have had very public mistakes,
and still maintained long-term success.

That can look like growth from the outside.

But here’s the reality:

We don’t actually know these people.

We see what’s public.
We see what’s shared.
We see what’s presented.

And sometimes current events remind us
that public success doesn’t always equal private growth.

So instead of trying to define someone else’s journey,
what we can take from situations like that is this:

Two people can go through something difficult,
learn from it,
grow individually,
build lives that move forward…

…and still not have a relationship with each other anymore.

And that doesn’t invalidate growth.

It actually reinforces it.

Because growth isn’t about restoring every connection.
It’s about becoming better—individually.

Sometimes that leads back to people.
Sometimes it doesn’t.

And both can be right.

Forgiveness is necessary.

But forgiveness does not mean returning to where you were.

It doesn’t mean:

Sometimes forgiveness looks like distance.
Sometimes it looks like boundaries.
Sometimes it looks like showing up differently—or not at all.

And sometimes—
it looks like rebuilding.

But only when it’s healthy.
Only when it’s mutual.

Forgiveness is about how you choose to show up.

It’s releasing the weight
without reattaching yourself to the same harm.

It’s understanding that:
You can recognize change in someone
without being meant to walk beside them anymore.

And you can still wish them well
without allowing access to your life.

You are not stuck.

You may be dealing with consequences.
You may be rebuilding.

But today—
you still have a choice.

Every day, you are either:

And the sooner you choose growth—
the sooner your life reflects it.

God,

Give me clarity to see patterns honestly.
Give me strength to take responsibility.

Help me build relationships that are rooted in trust, respect, and truth.
Teach me to forgive without returning to harm.

Help me show up in a way that reflects growth—
not just for myself, but for those around me.

And give me peace knowing I can move forward without carrying what no longer belongs in my life.

Amen.

Not every connection is meant to last forever.
But every choice you make shapes who you become.

In solidarity,

Lyndsay LaBrier

The Merchant Ship Collective