When Clarity Comes With Time
As time passes, life has a way of clarifying what was always true.
I have never doubted that I was meant to be a mother.
Not once.
I am not ashamed that I did not marry my children’s fathers.
I am not ashamed that my youngest son is adopted.
I am not ashamed of the path God chose for my life—even when it didn’t look like the version I once imagined.
And yet, with that certainty, there has always been a quieter question I bring to God.
Why don’t I have someone to walk through life with?
Not just someone—but a specific person I once believed I would walk beside as a wife, not just a mother. I have asked God why that door remains closed, even when my heart felt ready, even when the desire felt holy, even when the love felt real.
Recently, in a conversation with a friend, I said something out loud that stopped me in my own tracks:
Sometimes I think God doesn’t allow me to marry this person because He knows that if He did, I wouldn’t want or need anything else.
I would be content.
I would be complete.
I would stop reaching.
And maybe—just maybe—God still needs me to walk further.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
(Proverbs 16:9, ESV)
The Tension Between Fulfillment and Calling
Marriage is good.
Companionship is good.
Desiring partnership is not a lack of faith.
Scripture never condemns longing—it simply places it beneath obedience.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
(Psalm 37:4, ESV)
What we often misunderstand is how those desires are fulfilled.
Sometimes God fulfills them directly.
Sometimes He fulfills them later.
And sometimes He withholds them—not as punishment, but as protection for a calling that would otherwise be set aside.
If I had everything I wanted, I might stop listening.
If I were fully settled, I might stop building.
If I were fully comforted, I might stop speaking.
And God has never called me to be quiet.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
(Jeremiah 1:5, NIV)
Facts & Statistics: Singleness, Motherhood, and Purpose
Modern research confirms what many women quietly experience:
In the United States, nearly 40% of adults aged 25–54 are unmarried, a significant increase over previous generations (U.S. Census Bureau, 2023).
Single mothers make up approximately 23% of U.S. households with children, yet consistently report higher levels of role strain paired with higher purpose-driven motivation (Pew Research Center, 2022).
Studies in psychology show that purpose—not marital status—is the strongest predictor of long-term life satisfaction, particularly for women raising children (Alimujiang et al., 2019).
Scripture aligns with this reality:
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace.”
(1 Peter 4:10, NIV)
God’s measure of fulfillment has never been relational status—it has always been obedience to assignment.
When God Says “Not Yet” to Something Good
There is a painful truth we rarely say out loud:
Some loves are real—but not aligned.
Some people are sent for a season—but not a lifetime.
Some doors feel right—but are not God’s timing.
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
(Proverbs 19:21, NIV)
If God has asked me to wait, it is not because marriage is unworthy—it is because my work is unfinished.
And if God has asked me to walk alone for now, it is not because I am lacking—it is because I am being prepared.
A Prayer for Trust in the Waiting
God,
I thank You for the clarity You bring with time.
I thank You for motherhood, for purpose, for the strength to walk paths I did not choose but have learned to love.
When I question You, remind me that withholding is not rejection.
When I ache for partnership, remind me that You walk beside me.
When I wonder “why not now,” remind me that You see what I cannot.
If there is more You need me to do, give me the courage to do it fully.
If there is more You are building in me, give me the patience to let it form.
Amen.
Affirmations for This Season
I am not behind—I am aligned.
My worth is not measured by marital status.
God’s timing is intentional, not accidental.
I am allowed to desire love and still trust God’s plan.
What is meant for me will not miss me.
“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”
(Philippians 1:6, NIV)
Call to Action: Sit With the Question
This week, I invite you to ask yourself—without bitterness or fear:
What if the delay is purposeful?
What if God is protecting something in you?
What if fulfillment looks different right now, not forever?
Journal the question instead of rushing the answer.
God is not afraid of your honesty.
Closing
Some seasons are not about settling down.
They are about standing firm.
And if God has asked me to keep walking, I will trust that the path still leads somewhere holy.
In Solidarity,
Lyndsay LaBrier
Merchant Ship Collective
Light the Way Newsletter
References
Alimujiang, A., Wiensch, A., Boss, J., Fleischer, N. L., Mondul, A. M., McLean, K., & Mukherjee, B. (2019). Association between life purpose and mortality among U.S. adults older than 50 years. JAMA Network Open, 2(5), e194270. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2019.4270
Pew Research Center. (2022). Parenting in America today. https://www.pewresearch.org
U.S. Census Bureau. (2023). America’s families and living arrangements. https://www.census.gov
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. (2001). Crossway.